It Gets Better

This morning I was sitting here sipping a cup of tea and I realized that I don’t feel MS-y anymore. Like, my morning didn’t consist of my eyes and arms shaking from fatigue or me feeling like I was made out of lead every time I tried to move my body or get out of bed. I also realized how little I actually think about having MS on a day to day basis.

Maybe that is a small thing to someone who has not experienced chronic illness but it’s huge to me. It’s not just about my physical health improving, though it did. Mentally I feel in control of my life again. Emotionally, I feel balanced. I can (cautiously) dream of a future without an overwhelming sense of fear, sadness, or grief.

When I think back on the last 4 years only one word can describe the first year in it’s entirety and most of the second: hell. It was a living hell.

Some of you are living that hell right now and my heart goes out to you because I will never forget how awful it was. But I’m not writing to rehash those painful times or tell you that my life is perfect and symptom-free (it’s not) I’m writing because today is a milestone. A day that I actually feel good and positive about my life with MS and I want you all to know that it does get better.

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3 thoughts on “It Gets Better

  1. Lisa Helms says:

    oh to wake up and not feel MS-y! I love the encouragement in your post!

  2. Kristen says:

    I am late in discovering your blog….and the title of this post really spoke to me. It’s been 4 years and 5 months since my diagnosis and I can, too, say it does get better. This is while I am sitting here experiencing a new symptom…complete left back numb. BUT, my attitude is a lot better. i don’t freak out over every new symptom, I have learned how to manage the stress (for the most part) ….I am learning how to ask for help. I am working on taking care of me…and then the world (I am a social worker 🙂 It still sucks, it is still hard, and I am still stronger than I know….as are you. Thanks for your words. Kristen

    • mmpetunia says:

      Looks like I am late to responding to your comment! Thanks so much for stopping by and I’m glad my post had a positive impact on you. As a social worker I’m sure you tell people all day long to practice self-care. Isn’t it funny how that’s the hardest thing for us to do? I don’t like slowing down or feeling like I’m giving in but I’ve learned that pushing past my limits doesn’t work anymore. MS is a harsh teacher but in the end, maybe we learn the most. Take care 🙂

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