after my diagnosis, waves to wine felt completely unattainable. i was filled with shock and anxiety, sure that at any moment i was going to lose all faculties and be permanently relegated to a wheelchair. but it’s been almost 2 years and that hasn’t happened yet…
so maybe its time to get back in the saddle.
i was drawn to the ride for all of the obvious reasons: get in shape, sense of accomplishment, raise awareness for MS. but none of these was the reason. sure, i felt a connection since the ride itself benefits people with MS…or at least it benefits the bloated, beureaucratic non-profit that claims it benefits people with MS. consider it trickle down philanthropy.
last week while on a stationary bike at the gym, i reflected on the state of my body. i am weak. my joints are a mess. i hurt way more than a 32 year old should. as i lamented on the sad state of my physique, the reason came to me. cheesy as it sounds, while pedaling up another “hill” on the screen with leg muscles burning and screaming i imagined myself as a phoenix rising above all of my fear and pain and anxiety that has held me back since diagnosis: this ride is about making a come back. it has taken a huge amount of trial and error to prove to myself that i am strong enough to do the things i used to and beyond that, to push myself harder, and that it really will be ok.
and THAT’S the reason for my ride!